Guilty Joy
by treehuggerluna
Summary: What if Gale failed to save Peeta from the Capitol, and that Peeta died instead?
1. Gone

**Chapter One**

**Gale's PoV**

I stepped off the hovercraft, the weariness and guilt making me almost topple over. No, I can't rest. I have to see Katniss. _Katniss._ The thought of that name sent another wave of guilt through me. I had failed her; I should kill myself now to spare myself the guilt but I knew that I deserved it. My tired legs took me through the familiar path to the Everdeen's room. In a few minutes, I was standing in front of the door, trying to bring up the courage to knock. I raised my hand, formed it into a fist, and dropped it again. That was how I spent the better part of five minutes.

"Gale?"

I turned around wearily to see Prim standing behind me with a concerned expression on her face. I opened my mouth to offer an explanation but no sound came out. Weariness and guilt suddenly overwhelmed me and I sank to the floor, burying my head in my hands. I felt Prim slide down next to me.

"He's dead, isn't he?" She asked quietly.

I lifted my head to look at her, wondering how on earth she had grown up so quickly. It felt like yesterday that she was the innocent little girl who he used to carry home from school.

I nodded once and put my head back in my hands. Kill me now, I don't deserve to live.

"You know, if you die, Katniss will die too. She needs you to get through this. If you die, what will she have to live for?"

That sentence seemed to give me the strength to life my head and stand up. I would be hurting Katniss if I let myself drown in self guilt. I had to support her in this. I looked at Prim and she gave me an encouraging sort of half smile. She opened the door wide and held it open for me. I gave her a grateful smile and walked in, trying to keep myself from collapsing.

Katniss was sitting on the bed, staring at her hands with a blank expression on her face. She didn't seem to have noticed me. I stared at her, taking in every single detail of her face.

"He's gone, isn't he?" Katniss said, looking up. I started, I didn't know that she had noticed me.

I nodded once and moved to sit next to her on the bed. I didn't try to put my arm around her, she would not welcome it, not when she was like this.

"I'm sorry." I said, feeling that it was not enough.

She turned to me and surprised me by putting her arms out. Without hesitation I hugged her close, rocking her back and forth while feeling I did not deserve this.

"I'm sorry." I said again, this time putting more feeling into it.

She pulled back suddenly, anger flashing in her eyes. I cringed. What had I said?

"Why are you being sorry? It wasn't your fault that that Peeta was the person the Capitol decided to torture for information. It wasn't your fault that he was the person that got thrown into the Games with me. Don't be sorry Gale! It makes me annoyed every time you think it is your fault that whatever mess we are in."

"But it is my fault that he is dead." I said quietly, hating the words that I spoke. They were true though. It was my fault that Peeta was dead. I hesitated and made a bad decision. That mistake had cost Peeta his life.

"I don't believe that." Katniss said at once.

"Believe me, it's true." I said, guilt weighing down my words.

"I still don't believe that it was your fault." She said, but this time with some doubt in her voice.

I opened my mouth to say that it was true again, but I changed my mind and simply nodded. I stood and started to leave, but Katniss' hand shot out and grabbed mine, trapping me there. I turned around and looked at her. Her eyes seemed to scream don't go, don't leave me. What could I do? I turned around and sat back down, still holding her hand.

**Katniss' PoV**

I don't know what made me grab his hand, but all I knew then was that I couldn't bear for him to leave. Apart from Prim and my mother, he was all I had left. I knew that our relationship had changed since the beginning of my first games. The games. The very thought of them made anger bubble inside me as hot as fire.

"Promise me that this war will end." I whispered, leaning my head on Gale's shoulder.

"I promise." He said, wrapping his arms around me.

Those two words seemed to calm me and fill the gaping hole left by Peeta's death. We were going to get out of this. We were going to go home.

Peeta. I still couldn't believe that he was dead. Peeta. The boy with the bread. The boy who I had survived the Hunger Games with. The boy who had sometimes been my only comfort. That boy was dead, and it was Gale's fault that he was.

Still, I felt no anger towards Gale. I knew that it was true, even if I'd denied it, but it seemed impossible to be angry at Gale in this position. Was it because we had been through so much together as well? Or was it that because secretly, deep down, I had been falling in love with him all along?

I also felt relief at Peeta's death. The Capitol can't use him to hurt me anymore. One less person I have to worry about in this damn war that I had started. One less person the Capitol can harm. In a way he is safer in death than he was alive.

In Gale's arms, I felt safe. I let myself forget all of my worries and fears for a moment, letting myself soak up all of the comfort that he gave me.

"I don't deserve you, you know?" I said into his chest, making my voice slightly muffled.

He responded by hugging me closer and saying: "Of course you do, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. I'm only doing this because I'm selfish and I need you."

I looked up into his grey eyes, which were almost identical to mine. He stared back. Without thinking, I reached up and kissed him.

It felt right, at that moment, to press my lips against his and let myself forget all of my worries and fears for a few moments. I hadn't really taken the time to notice how much Gale actually meant to me. Our bond for convenience had turned into friendship, but now I realized that it was something much more. The Games had changed our relationship, but it had also, in a way, made it stronger.

**Gale's PoV**

I couldn't believe that this was happening. At that moment, I felt rather numb and shocked, and also content. In a way, I was happy that Peeta was gone. I could actually have Katniss to myself now. It was a bittersweet happiness, for I knew that Peeta meant something to Katniss, even if she had just faked being in love with him. I couldn't be happy if Katniss wasn't.

After a few moments, we broke apart.

"I need you Gale," Katniss whispered, "I need you as much as you think you need me."

I hugged her close and whispered: "I love you."

"I love you too."

Those for words warmed my heart so much, I thought that it would melt. She loved me. Katniss loved me. She may not be my Catnip anymore, the Games had taken that away, but she was still Katniss, the beautiful, brave girl that I had been falling in love with all along.

"I promise that we will get out of this mess Catnip, if it's the last thing I do, I promise that I will fix this."

"I know you will."


	2. I can be happy

**Chapter Two**

**Katniss' PoV**

I smiled as the door closed behind Gale. No more heartbreaks. Peeta was gone and there was nothing I could do about it, so why not just try to enjoy life as much as I can? Sure, I've got the rebellion to worry about and being the Mockingjay and all but when I'm with Gale I feel like myself, Katniss, but without all of the Mockingjay rubbish.

Maybe, just maybe, if we get out of this war alive, Gale and I might actually be able to settle down and maybe have kids. I know that I promised to never have children before, but if we win this rebellion Panem might actually be safe from the Games.

I love Gale, and I will miss Peeta, but he is gone. No point dwelling on it. He wouldn't have wanted it.

**Gale's PoV**

Happiness bubbled inside me as I opened the door to my compartment. Katniss loved me! Peeta was gone, dead, and no one could do a thing about it, so I can have Katniss all to myself now. I am eternally grateful to Peeta for taking care of her in the Games though, and I still feel guilty about his death, but he would have wanted Katniss to be happy, and I know that I can make her happy.

Thoughts of Katniss filled my head as I undressed and showered, and they continued to fill my mind as I got into bed. My head hit the pillow and I closed my eyes, still thinking about her. Katniss loved me…

**Prim's PoV**

After Gale went into our room I decided to go back to the hospital to give them some privacy. I couldn't believe that Peeta was dead. We weren't very close, really, but he had helped and protected my sister in the Games, and I knew that he meant something to Katniss.

I reached the hospital door and pushed it open. I walked in, looking around for my mother.

"Is it true then?" Said a raspy voice behind me, "Is the boy dead?"

I turned around to see Haymitch sitting in a chair behind me, liquor bottle in hand and drunk as usual. I nodded mutely and turned back around to look for my mother again. Where was she?

"You're becoming as grumpy as your sister lass. Come sit with me." Haymitch said before taking another huge clunk out of his bottle.

What could I do? I turned around and sat down next to Haymitch, breathing through my mouth to avoid the strong scent of alcohol. We sat in silence for a few minutes, punctuated by the sound of Haymitch's loud gulping.

"He was like the son I never had." Haymitch said quietly, startling me. I had never heard him this emotional before.

"I feel like such a failure." He said. "I didn't protect him well enough. He didn't deserve to die."

"Don't beat yourself up about it. It wasn't your fault." I said, trying to comfort him. I hadn't realized that he and Peeta were that close.

"How do you know that?" Haymitch said, taking another swig of liquor.

"Why would it be? You weren't the one who chose him to be in the Games, you didn't plan for him to be captured by the Capitol and you certainly didn't want him to die."

"Still… I could've... Could've… Could've done better." Haymitch said, his words becoming slurred and eventually passing out.

I stood up, went over a cabinet, took out a blanket and draped it over him. I was way to weak to be able to carry him to his compartment, so I guess he just had to spend the night in the hospital. Then, I snuck out of the room and headed for our compartment

I walked through the hallways while my footsteps echoed in the silent community. I got to my door and reached for the door handle, twisting it open. Katniss was sitting on the bed, smiling to herself. I wondered what had happened between her and Gale. I sat down next to her, taking her hand into mine and saying: "I'm sorry about Peeta Katniss."

She responded by enveloping me in a warm hug and saying: "I'm sorry too Prim. But I think that I can be happy. I have you, mother and Gale. I should be happy. Peeta wouldn't have wanted me to be sad."

I hugged her right back. This is why I loved my sister. She was just so strong.


	3. Nightmares

**Chapter Three**

**Katniss' PoV**

I was sitting on the edge with my feet dipped inside the lake in the forest. It was a sunny day. The sharp sound of a twig snapping made me twist around. And there he stood, with his blonde hair and muscular arms. Peeta. I jumped up and ran towards him, arms outstretched. He stretched his arms out as well, but they locked around my throat instead of my body. He started to squeeze. I spluttered and gasped for air. He squeezed harder and whispered in my ear: "You left me to die, you will pay." The pressure vanished for a second and then he was back, clutching something in his hand. He opened it, revealing a hand full of pure black berries. Nightlock.

I turned around and started to run, but before I could get anywhere a hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. I opened my mouth and tried to scream, but nothing came out. Peeta pulled me closer to him and forced my mouth open. I struggled frantically. What was he doing?

He tipped the berries into my mouth and they hit my stomach. Everything went black.

I woke up screaming my head off, waking Prim and probably everyone in a one mile radius. This was the third night in a row that I had done this, and it had also been three nights since Peeta had died. Every night held a new horror and every horror inspired new horrors. There was no Peeta here with me anymore, to hold me and tell me everything is alright. He was gone.

"Katniss?" Prim said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Mother was working in the hospital tonight.

I was lying in bed shaking. My voice had gone all croaky from all of the screaming. The dream was one that I had dreamed every night since Peeta died.

"It's a-alright Prim," I said shakily, "j-just go back to sleep."

Prim sighed and crossed the room to my bed and sat down on it.

"Katniss, you're obviously not alright. You've been having nightmares ever since- since Peeta died."

I sat up and looked at her. How had she grown up so quickly? Her once innocent and carefree face now had lines of seriousness and sadness. The old Prim was gone, replaced by a young body with an ancient mind.

"I just… Don't know what to do now…" I said slowly. I only had one goal right now, and that was the one written in wobbly letters across the paper with my list of conditions for being the Mockingjay: _I KILL SNOW_.

**Gale's PoV**

I smiled when I spotted Katniss walking into the cafeteria. She walked over to the line and got her portion and started walking towards my table. My smile faded when I saw how tired she looked. There were dark circles under her eyes and her face was stark white. She sat down next to me and started picking at her carrots.

"You okay?" I asked, putting an arm around her.

"Fine." She said automatically.

I sighed mentally. That was just like Katniss, saying that she's fine when she's obviously not. I mean, that was one of the reasons why I love her. She's too selfless.

We had just finished our meal when my communicuff started beeping. I quickly scanned the message:

_Soldier Hawthorne,_

_You and Soldier Everdeen are needed in Command urgently._

_President Alma Coin._

"We're needed in Command." I said looking up from the device.

Katniss nodded and we stood and put away our trays. Then we walked to Command in silence, both lost in our own thoughts.

_Why is she looking so tired? _I thought as I looked at her.

I pushed open the door and held it open for her. She walked in in a zombie-like trance, dragging her feet and shuffling along.

We sat down in our seats and looked at Coin expectantly.

She stood up, took a deep breath, and said six words that shook us as badly as Peeta's warning about the bombs had: "We are going to the Capitol."

**I'm really sorry about the long wait. I had writers block for about two weeks after my last update so I couldn't think of anything. Credit for the dream goes to my very good friend in New Zealand (no names shall be mentioned) =D. Hope you like it and R&R! =D**

**PS. I'm running out of ideas… If anyone has any please tell me in a PM or a review. Thanks!**

**PSS. Sorry about the short chapter, I'll make it up to you in the next one =D**

**/treehuggerluna**


	4. The calm before the storm

**Chapter four**

**Prim's PoV**

"But I want to go!"

"I don't care, you're too young!"

I glared at my sister as she got ready for take-off. I couldn't believe that she said that I was too young and weak to go to the Capitol. I was _not_ too young! I've been through more than most 14 year olds have been through. I've watched my sister forced into an arena and force to kill other children. I've had to take on the responsibility of a family at the tender age of 12. I was _not_ too young and I was definitely _not_ too weak. Why couldn't Katniss get that?

"But Katniss, I can help! I've been training to be a doctor for months now! Please, please let me come with you."

"No Prim, I can't let you come." Katniss said quietly but firmly as she zipped on the last piece of her Mockingjay suit.

She started going up the stairs that led to the hovercraft when she looked back at me and said: "I'm sorry Prim, say goodbye to mother for me."

With that she turned back around and walked into the hovercraft.

It was only when the door hissed shut did I feel the tears sliding down my cheeks. I raised a hand to wipe them away but someone beat me there.

I turned around and saw Rory standing behind me, tears welling up in his own eyes. One look at him told me that he had just said goodbye to Gale.

He wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped mine around him. We fit perfectly.

I looked up at him and he looked down. We leaned in, closer and closer until our noses touched. Then our lips met.

My last coherent thought was: _I bet Rory is a way better kisser than Gale._

**Gale's PoV**

I turned my back on my little brother and stepped into the hovercraft. I hated hurting him like this, but I couldn't let him go into a battle. He was only 14 for crying out loud.

I felt the door hiss shut behind me and I wiped away the tears in my eyes and walked to a seat near a window. Katniss sat down next to me wiping away tears of her own. Of course, she had to say goodbye to Prim.

I wrapped an arm around her and held her close. She sniffed and looked up at me, saying: "How's Rory?"

"Mad." I said, sighing. My brother was just too stubborn for his own good.

"Same with Prim," She said, smiling slightly, "You know I think they are a perfect match."

"You think?" I said looking at her strangely.

"Yeah, I mean come on, Gale. Don't tell me you haven't noticed." She said, "They're both way too stubborn for their own good, they're both way too mature for their ages, they're both… well, you get what I mean, they're like the same person in two different bodies!"

"Like soul mates." I said, smiling.

The hovercraft buzzed to life, and I looked out the window for one last look. To my surprise I saw Rory with his arms wrapped around Prim. I smiled at the sight. Who knew? My little brother with my best friend/ girlfriend's little sister. I tapped Katniss' shoulder and said: "You were right."

"About what?" She said, leaning over to have a look outside the window as well. A smile lit up on her face when she saw our two siblings.

"Of course I was right." She said, pulling back and leaning her head on my shoulder, "I'm always right."

I smiled wider and leaned down and kissed her forehead.

The hovercraft took off with a small jerk forward, taking us to the capitol, where maybe, just maybe, we might be able to finish this…

**I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry about the long wait... I know I'm a bad updater, but I promise to make it up to you in the next chapter (Yes, I know that that was what I said last chapter, but this time I really promise). Don't go, I haven't abandoned this story =D**

**Hope you liked it and please review =D**

**/treehuggerluna**


	5. Something's wrong Part one

**Chapter five**

**Prim's PoV**

I threw down my pencil in frustration, annoyance creeping through me as I heard the loud clatter. It had been two days since Katniss had gone to the Capitol. It had been two days since I had heard from her. I had gone to the Command room everyday and nearly every hour to see if I could get some news on what was happening to them, and I had always been given the same answer before they slammed the door shut in my face: some problems, but nothing they can't handle.

Some problems, but nothing they can't handle. That means that they are in trouble right? It is so frustrating not to know, not to be able to help. I know that they are in trouble, I can feel it.

_I have to get over there. _I think to myself.

A knock sounded, and I crossed the room and looked out the peephole. I saw Rory standing there looking quite worn out. I sighed and opened the door.

"Any news?" He asked halfheartedly.

"Same old same old." I answered wearily as I let him in. I closed the door and looked at him. His resemblance to Gale was becoming more and more prominent as he grew up. They had the same grey eyes that were so common in the seam, the same brown hair and the same kind of rigidness in the jawline.

"We have to go after them." I said seriously, "There's something wrong. I can feel it."

He nodded and said: "How?"

I thought it over for a minute, then something clicked in my head: "I think… It's time to pay dear Haymitch a visit."

**Katniss' PoV**

The minute I stepped off the hovercraft chaos erupted around us. Peacekeepers with big guns were fighting with District 13 soldiers. I saw Gale fighting with some kind of gigantic bird mutt. It was coal black and had a long beak with razor sharp teeth sticking out of it. I ran over to help, pulling out my bow and yelling: "Wake up, bow!"

I chose an explosive arrow and fired it at the mutt. It exploded and Gale looked at me gratefully. I nodded and started firing at peacekeepers at random. Shot after shot after shot. Every time I released an arrow, another life ended. I hated it. It was like being back in the Games.

I turned and shot down a few more peacekeepers when I noticed a big wolf mutt like the ones we had in my first games. Then I saw it's golden fur and its big blue eyes filled with hatred and I stopped breathing.

_Peeta._

The sound of a gun brought me back to my surroundings. I shook my head and looked for Gale and saw him wrestling with a peacekeeper. I braced myself and headed for the mutt.

I reached for my quiver and chose a normal arrow, loaded it into my bow. I pointed it towards the mutt and was about to release it when I saw it's blue eyes.

Peeta's eyes.

But filled with hatred.

I released the arrow but looked away just before it hit the mutt. Something hard hit me on the head and I felt myself fall to the ground. Just before I blacked out I thought I saw Gale standing over me, holding a large wooden bat…

**Short? Yeah, I think so too, but I just wanted to give you guys an early preview of this chapter. Sorry about the cliffy, but I couldn't think of anything else to end it with. Thank you to CloverHeart609 for the mutt idea =D**

**Hope you liked this little preview and review please! =D**

**/treehuggerluna**


	6. Authors Note

**Authors Note**

I'm really sorry, but I have decided to give up on this story... I lost the inspiration a few months ago, and there went my good writing. Instead, I have decided to hold a competition for all those who want continue it, since I'm not really the type to leave something uncomplete. Just send me a chapter of how you would continue it. I'll read through all of them and decide on a winner. I'm really sorry if you wanted me to continue but that's just how it is for me. The moment I lose inspiration I can't go on anymore.

Anyways, good luck to all =D

Ps. Send your chapters to me through a PM, review or to this email: 0418

/treehuggerluna


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